- Mommy Camo: Counterintuitive though it may be, white has become the smartest clothing choice for hiding stains. White is the color of breast milk, breast milk is the main ingredient in baby puke, and baby puke happens to be my most-worn accessory and hair product of late. Though I appear clean in my crisp white Oxford, you'd be appalled if you looked at me under a blacklight. But due to a finite wardrobe, I abide by a new rule of thumb for clothing changes: if you can't see it (and can only faintly smell it), it's probably getting worn.
- Come Fly With Me: We took our first flight this weekend with Owen, who defied expectations and passed the airworthiness test with flying colors. The most amusing (but only in hindsight because he didn't freak out) part was watching the hopelessly demoralized faces of fellow passengers when they walked past our aisle, followed by the cooing and praise they gave "such a good little baby" after we'd landed. Someone sitting behind us feigned surprise while we were deplaning: "Oh my gosh, I didn't even know there was a baby on here!" Oh right, lady. Everyone knows the finely tuned Baby Radar of non-parents-of-infants would never allow this potentially toxic noise polluter to go unnoticed.
- Don't Leave Home Without It: Pre-Owen, I had a straightforward mental checklist when leaving the house: keys, wallet, phone. Needless to say, that list is no longer comprehensive. The new checklist looks something like this:
* baby
* diaper bag containing: at least 4 diapers + necessary clean-up implements; one change of clothes for the inevitable Why-Do-At-Home-What-You-Could-Save-For-Public-Places Diaper Explosion; a second change of clothes for the less-appreciated Double-Header Explosion; plastic bags to contain the biohazardous aftermath of said explosions; lead pacifier plus several understudies
* take one last look in the mirror to make sure you have a shirt on
Quite a look
No time to re-dress him before he passed out
Always intrigued by his daddy
So excited about overalls
The eventual result of being overtired
Wow, who let in the mom with the screaming baby?
The checklist is a riot and his smiles are priceless! What a bundle of joy!
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